I had a vision of love
One day, a few months after M and I met, I was walking from the train station to my apartment in Waltham in the rain when I had a vision. I saw M and I in a hospital delivery room, holding a child, with my parents and his gushing over the newborn. I was filled with happiness at the thought. That's when I truly knew he would become my husband.
It's about six years later, and in every way, we are ready to have a child -- from outside appearances. We own a home. We both have very good, professional, white-collar jobs and make good money. We've been married for three and a half years and are in our early 30s. I have no doubt we are mature enough to be parents. But no children.
Both sets of our parents are dying to become grandparents. We're dying to make them grandparents. But it just hasn't happened for us. To completely overshare as well as overthink, I went off the Pill almost three years ago. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. No preggo. As some of you know, M is going through low-dose chemo right now for his lupus, so we banked sperm ahead of time in case the therapy renders him sterile. I wonder if we'll have to go to IVF.
And having a child crosses my mind every single day: Why we don't have one. When we should have one. Will M be well enough to coparent with me. I turned 32 in November, and I'm hearing the inevitable tick-tick-tick of you know what. Sometimes I see babies and want to cry. Sometimes I'm glad I'm childless. In a few years, I will be forced to make a choice. It's nice to know M's boys are on ice, just in case. But it causes so much angst.
It's about six years later, and in every way, we are ready to have a child -- from outside appearances. We own a home. We both have very good, professional, white-collar jobs and make good money. We've been married for three and a half years and are in our early 30s. I have no doubt we are mature enough to be parents. But no children.
Both sets of our parents are dying to become grandparents. We're dying to make them grandparents. But it just hasn't happened for us. To completely overshare as well as overthink, I went off the Pill almost three years ago. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. No preggo. As some of you know, M is going through low-dose chemo right now for his lupus, so we banked sperm ahead of time in case the therapy renders him sterile. I wonder if we'll have to go to IVF.
And having a child crosses my mind every single day: Why we don't have one. When we should have one. Will M be well enough to coparent with me. I turned 32 in November, and I'm hearing the inevitable tick-tick-tick of you know what. Sometimes I see babies and want to cry. Sometimes I'm glad I'm childless. In a few years, I will be forced to make a choice. It's nice to know M's boys are on ice, just in case. But it causes so much angst.
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