Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I may not be a diamond, but I'm still tough

Do you know what diamonds are made of? You take carbon and put it under pressure, and it turns into this gorgeous stone.

I've been under pressure too -- the everyday crap coupled with M's illness, which, while quiet, is still chronic. When I get stressed out, I eat. Not just everyday food -- sweets and carbs. Blame it on cortisol, but I need some sugar when I feel like my head is going to explode.

As a result, I've put on a staggering 30 pounds since M was diagnosed last August. I've got a closet full of clothes I bought for my skinny-ass size 10 self that now don't make it past my hips. Getting dressed in the morning is a nightmare. And it's affecting my health -- my asthma is really acting up, and I get tired easily.

Now, I'm a shrimp, and I love to eat, so I've battled with the bulge all my life. I got beyond pissed at myself that I left the pressure get to me enough to cause the weight gain. This is NOT who I am. But as someone very dear to me said, "Be easy on yourself. You've been through a lot. Some people would have started drinking. Some would have turned to drugs. You put on a little weight. It will come off."

So now I'm saying, enough is enough. Today I go to my first Weight Watchers meeting in quite some time. I'm amped, ready and in the right frame of mind. I will get back to a size 10. And I'm still tough.
Overthink
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