Monday, March 14, 2005

Could I please, please just have a day where nothing goes wrong?

OK, this shit is getting old.

I walk in this morning, first thing Monday morning, and there's a crisis. My boss is on vaca, so guess who gets to deal with it. To top it off, I'm sick, and I get an email that a dear family friend passed away over the weekend.

Look, I don't mean to whine. Really. I know people have it much worse than me, and I'm grateful for the blessings in my life. I really do thank God daily for things like M, my house, my (relatively) good health, my intelligence, my family and other such goodies. But you know, the job is just a huge struggle, and I wonder how much of it is just me, and how much of it is that good ol' fashioned learning curve. I'm really, really trying to toughen up, not take things so personally, become better at what I do -- but Jesus H. Christ on a sidebar, I am TIRED of knowing nothing. I am TIRED of constantly feeling wrong. I am TIRED of feeling like the new girl after six months on the job. And I am mostly TIRED of how little I know. This has been the hardest job transition of my life. I've tried to censor myself on this blog, because God knows who all is reading it, but I can't do it anymore. I have to vent. Every day, I feel like throwing in the towel. Every day, I hope it will get easier, and it doesn't.

Just one good day. One day where I don't feel like a bonehead asshole. Is that too much to ask?
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