Tuesday, March 29, 2005

I want to become a better writer

I know that I'm a good writer. Now I want to become a great one. To do that requires me to write every day. So I pledge to you, all of my (two) readers, that I will compose an entry every day. Every day. Even if it's just a few lines.

Back in the grind. And you know, it feels good to a certain extent. Nice to wake up at a set time, know I'm coming home to a "Friends" rerun (OK, I've probably seen it a million times, but I like it), dinner with M, maybe some nighttime TV. Weekends are wonderful, but they're so unstructured. I've never done well with unstructured time. When I was a kid and it was summertime, I would lay awake at night, waiting for the men to break into my house and kill me. Every little noise, every vibration of my house, I thought was people breaking in. This is a fear I still have. If I hear strange noises in the street, I have to get up and look.

When I was a kid, I saw the world as a dangerous place, and I still do to a certain extent. My therapist says, "In olden days, people would have an adrenaline rush because a tiger was afoot. Now, it's the tiger you can't see, and it keeps your involuntary panic response going all the time." I'm working on getting better at modulating my breathing, reframing my negative thoughts, etc. And I'm taking an e-learning module called "From Conflict to Collaboration" to help with some of, umm, the challenges of my job. One day at a time.
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