Summer saturation
In the last few months, I have bought six pairs of shoes and many more clothes than I probably need. Sometimes I think I may be bipolar, because I seem to get very revved up sometimes, and of course I suffer from depression. At the same time, it's around this time every year that I just get really tired of sandals and shorts and T-shirts and just want it to hurry up and get cold so I can wear my fall and winter clothes, of which I have much more than I have summer clothes. And while the deals are good right now, I'm kind of tired of shopping. Maybe I'm not bipolar after all.
M is feeling much better, and I'm glad. The donations are pouring in for the Lupus Walk, and I'm glad for that, too. I reconnected with my college roomie and told her what's been going on, and she made a donation, too, even though I haven't seen her in months. We're still getting cards and phone calls and emails from people who are concerned and checking in. I appreciate all the support and attention we've gotten. We went to M's cousin's 30th birthday party last night, and she had been very concerned about us and was so glad we came.
So lately I've been feeling kinda blah. I need a haircut, but I lack the energy to go have it done, and it concerns me -- I haven't had my hair cut since April. I'm not sure my meds are working too well, because I've been having some withdrawal symptoms and, dare I say it, bad thoughts. Why do I have to go through all the shit? And why do I have to whine about it when so many people have it worse than me? I want to be happy. I want my brain chemistry to be fucking normal. I want my POS car to stop costing me hundreds of dollars (the latest damage: $650, including a charge to replace sparking ignition wires -- what a piece). I'm deeply ambivalent about having a child, and I don't know why that is. M wants children more than I do, sometimes I think. Why can't I be normal? Then again, what is normal, anyway?
This too shall pass. It's been a rough few months. I need to give myself permission to feel bad about things and know that it's OK. Things are getting back on track, and we have tons of support. I think I'll go take a nap now. :)
M is feeling much better, and I'm glad. The donations are pouring in for the Lupus Walk, and I'm glad for that, too. I reconnected with my college roomie and told her what's been going on, and she made a donation, too, even though I haven't seen her in months. We're still getting cards and phone calls and emails from people who are concerned and checking in. I appreciate all the support and attention we've gotten. We went to M's cousin's 30th birthday party last night, and she had been very concerned about us and was so glad we came.
So lately I've been feeling kinda blah. I need a haircut, but I lack the energy to go have it done, and it concerns me -- I haven't had my hair cut since April. I'm not sure my meds are working too well, because I've been having some withdrawal symptoms and, dare I say it, bad thoughts. Why do I have to go through all the shit? And why do I have to whine about it when so many people have it worse than me? I want to be happy. I want my brain chemistry to be fucking normal. I want my POS car to stop costing me hundreds of dollars (the latest damage: $650, including a charge to replace sparking ignition wires -- what a piece). I'm deeply ambivalent about having a child, and I don't know why that is. M wants children more than I do, sometimes I think. Why can't I be normal? Then again, what is normal, anyway?
This too shall pass. It's been a rough few months. I need to give myself permission to feel bad about things and know that it's OK. Things are getting back on track, and we have tons of support. I think I'll go take a nap now. :)
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