My year in review

At the beginning of 2009, I had a just-1-year-old son and a job. I was looking forward to a Bermuda cruise in May and a new year filled with promise.

I got to go on my cruise, and we had a great time. But two months later, in July, I no longer had a job -- a casulty of a mass layoff. While I was traumatized at first, I've now come to see that it was a blessing. Because I end 2009 as a stay-at-home mom (known by the cool kids as a SAHM) who is enjoying her son and her newly slowed-down life.

Things aren't perfect, as they never are. I get bored. My brain occasionally feels like it's turning to mush. Adult conversations are few and far between. And there really aren't many decent-paying, part-time, work at home jobs for a writer/editor/journalist.

Still, if I could sum up 2009 in three words, it would be these: Work doesn't matter. Being unemployed gave me the freedom to travel to Florida when my uncle died suddenly and be there for my aunt and cousins. When my dad had a stroke right before Thanksgiving, I was able to drop everything and head to the hospital to be with my mom and brother. (My dad will make a full recovery.) And on a more frivolous note, shopping, Christmas or otherwise, was a helluva lot easier when you can go in the middle of the day with all your other laid-off comrades. My days are mine and Boo's. My work benefits the people who really matter: My family. Someday I will go back to work, of course. But for now, I'm mostly digging on the time off, which, when you have an almost-2-year-old (gasp!) and a house, isn't a whole lot of sitting around. But I'll take it. And Boo is loving it too.

Happy new year, and may 2010 bring you nothing but good things.

Where is my muse?

Since I have some time off, I've been thinking I ought to write, if not a book then at least some short stories. But honestly, I don't know what to write about. I've been lucky enough to live a pretty ordinary life. I could write about being a mom, but it's been done to death. I could write about my struggles with anxiety and depression, but then we get into how much do I want to reveal. Or I could clean up my NaNoWriMo book from a few years back and try to sell it. I fear, though, that it's inherently a piece of crap. So I'm kind of stuck waiting for my muse.

What I'm doing

Reading
Enjoying my son
Helping M with his business
Planning my next move


Stay tuned.

Like Tiffany says

The heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time?

Getting laid off is kind of like a breakup. You had a relationship, and it's been severed. You need to find a new relationship (i.e., job) but you need to process the loss of the old one. And that's basically what I am doing. I have my resume together. I've applied for at least 10 jobs in the last week. I've made a networking call as well as to the outplacement firm my company is working with. I've filed for unemployment.

And so while I am trying to keep busy, I always feel like there's something I ought to be doing but aren't. On a more fruitful level, I am helping M out with his business, but there's only so much I can do there. It's frustrating. It's exhilarating and exciting. It's terrifying. All this time. To do what I want.

But what do I want?

Why this layoff is easier than the last one

The last time I was laid off was April of 2000. I have been very, very lucky. And this time, I have it a lot easier:

• I own a home and am married so I have someone else to lean on.
• I have the Boo, who is terrific company.
• I have an excuse not to work (SAHM, at least for now).
• It's summertime.
• I'm in a much better frame of mind about it.
• I was at my place for almost five years, so I got really great severance. At my other place? Only 10 months.

I will be OK. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

The summer of death continues

First Ed McMahon.

Then Farrah Fawcett.

Then Michael Jackson.

Then Billy Mays.

Now my job.

Yes, it's true: I got laid off. I honestly am not surprised so there's no shock, but I'm still processing it. I get severance and unemployment. I will be OK. But this is a cruel summer.